Fucked up.

Have you ever gone somewhere, or seen something that made you think, 'If I'd done something else here... my life would be different.'?
Did I make a mistake when I chose Rivercity over Riverside? I see pictures of all my old friends from Riverside. Mucking about, going to prom, recording CDs,--here's lookin' at you, Paul!--being basically happy about their lives... I think about the person I am now. I live in my room. I hardly leave. I surf webcomics and Wikipedia for fun! What kind of fucked-up person am I?
I know I don't usually talk about me on my blog. I usually post about how something is going and my opinions on shit. Posting about me, my actual self seems almost stupid after all my other crap which I'm sure is far more appreciated.
But, I have to pause and wonder... What would I be if I'd stayed? Would I still stay at home surfing Wikipedia and webcomics while my friends went to prom, or would I be there, dressed up like everybody else, having a good time?

The most important question here, obviously, is whether I'd be happier at RHS than I am at RLA. I love all my new RLA friends. Skye-Symphony, Joel, Aaron, Meggles, and even though I'm a little mad at them, Kibbles and Von Bothmer too. But wouldn't I have new friends at RHS to add to the friends I already had? Without the bittersweet freedom once offered at RLA, would I have finally gotten my ass in gear and worked, even when I didn't feel like any knowledge wanted to penetrate my skull? That happens here at RLA--a total lack of inspiration.
I can't answer any of these questions, and that's what bothers me. Prior knowledge indicates to me that I won't be getting a decent night's sleep today, despite how tired I am. I am not going to be re-reading the back log of Oh My Gods! either. I'm probably going to lay awake all night and think about the kind of person that RHS would have made me. Because there's no way I'm gonna be able to find out.
~DJ